So many changes in such a short amount of time...............

Well it has finally happened.
We have found our dream property, sold our existing property, waiting for both to settle and packing up 10 years of life into a shipping container to store whilst we await moving to our new property.
16 beautiful acres with a seasonal stream running beside it.
An old rustic timber house that is quirky with a wood fire stove awaits us.
Clean country air and the chance to grow my own food.
A new place to call home, new things to experience and a new life to start.
This move is all about getting well and living the life I want to live.
It has not come without trials, tribulations and trauma thus far.
Family relationships have been strained, arguments have happened and a lot of issues could just have been avoided.
I choose not to focus on this. My focus is on moving forward.
I have had a great crash health wise and I am hoping to make some gains back to where I was and stabilise in the near future.
Now just to finish packing, clean and start on our new journey.

In Limbo is not a great place to be...................

It is on the brink of June 2016.
I guess I thought that I would be in different place than where I currently am.
I thought the house would have sold, I thought we would have moved to the Country, I thought I would be on the path to wellness....................................... and so many other things.
Being in the land of limbo really kinda sucks.
The house is half packed up and things are put away. Winter is a coming and I will probably have to unpack a few things as I will need them.
It is difficult to make decisions on the future when things are so uncertain.
All we can do is wait it out and let the Universe provide what it is meant to.

Regrets......I've had a few..... but then again.... too few to mention..........

As the song goes........ but I did it MY WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
I have at times throughout my life, reflected on the people I have met, loved and lost as well as the interactions that have made huge impressions on me.
Sometimes the names of people will pop into my head and I will have a little cringe or wonder what ever happened to them.
I also wonder if they ever have my name pop into their head...... lol
I guess it is all a learning process.
I don't think I have ever caught myself dwelling on a situation, it is more like asking myself the questions of why did I do that and what did I learn from it.
Sometimes the answer is very clear and other times it is not.
I guess what I am trying to say is that we all do things in our lives that we could have done differently.
Owning and learning from it are the things that make us grow stronger and into better people.
Then there are the people that play games and try to draw you into their webs.
I am sure everyone has come across many of those.
I guess I am lucky that I can now spot them a mile away and have the skills to deflect them.
I strive each day to be my authentic self and have gotten to a place in my life where I have accepted myself, flaws and all.
It doesn't mean that I like the place that I find myself in, it just means that it is not permanent.
I embrace change and challenge.
Previously I was afraid of change and like everything to be in a certain order.......... but look where that got me.
My Mother always tells me........ "Don't sweat the things you cannot change".
I have reconciled this within myself and embrace it whilst looking for a different path.
Being on this learning curve over the last 3 years has taught me a lot and all of which I am eternally grateful.

Reflections on the lead up to Labour Day celebrations in OZ

I may not look sick, but I struggle with what others take for granted each day.

I may always reply to your question of “How are you” with a “Fine Thanks” but I don’t tell you how it really is because explaining it just takes too much energy and I find talking about it just so boring.

Only those that I live with understand the extent of change that has happened in my life.

It is at this time of the year, being Labour Day that I feel it the most.

I mourn the loss of my old life. I mourn the loss of being active in my life.

I mourn the loss of the friends that have fallen by the wayside.

I am grateful that I have reached a recovery point of 60%  and have stabilised.

I want more and know it will take time to get there.

I know you want to help and offer up suggestions about ways to get well.

I thank you for sending me information and rest assured I do research things to see if I have tried it already and if not, will it be of benefit.

Sometimes it can get very lonely.

I am blessed to have a loving Husband that understands how it is.

He encourages me to leave the house when I have been within the walls for too many days.

I do not post this for any other reason than to let my friends know, you are often in my thoughts and in my heart.

Some days are worse than others so reaching you can become tough.

I know I don’t look sick……….. but there you are ……. not everything is always as it seems.

  

Total wipeout today..............

Things sometimes just get difficult.
As if dealing with this horrible illness is not bad enough, things are sent to try me.
As part of getting benefits I have to go to job placement appointments.
This is whilst I am sorting out my application for DSP.
Well my second appointment occurred today.
It was scheduled for 9am.
The woman sat and argued with me that my appointment was 1.30pm.
She really upset me and told me I was wrong.
Works out she was looking at the wrong person on her computer screen.
She made a mistake and was not that apologetic about it.
A piece of paper was also thrust at me telling me that I had to apply for 6 jobs in the next 2 weeks.
This is all outrageous.
She also told me I was being shuffled off to another consultant.
The new consultant was a Manager in another State for the same organisation.
This all fills me with great hope........ NOT......................
With my qualifications and job history I would not have a problem in getting a job.
The issue I have is that with my illness I am not able to work at this time.
What part of this is so hard to understand.
I came home deflated and have had to go to bed.
Will take me a few days to get back up to being upright.
Until then....... one step at a time.

Fear of the Dentist.........................

I try and get to the Dentist every 6 months for a check up to ensure that I don't encounter any more problems than I need to.
Fluoride is definitely not my friend. It maybe great for my teeth but with Fibromyalgia it really makes me kinda ill.
Each time I have a check up and  teeth clean the same thing happens.
Some form of an allergic reaction and then the crash for a while.
I guess I have to weigh it up........... a small set back in health for protection of my teeth.
The thing is that teeth don't fix themselves, they don't regrow.
You get two sets in your lifetime and the alternative to not having them is pretty ordinary.
I hate going to the dentist as it is but would hate it even more if I had to have major work done.
So for the time being............ check ups and fluoride it is.

Getting up to somehow be knocked down again......

I had an appointment with a job network provider as this is a requirement by the Government when you are on benefits.
She took one look at my resume and it was obvious from my work history that I have never been out of a job.
I could apply tomorrow for a position and start work the next day.
The problem that I have is that this bloody Fibromyalgia knocks me over every single time
No one would seriously want this in their life.
On the outside you appear to be totally normal.............but there in lies the problem...... you are unable to function like everyone else.
It takes you ten times longer to do anything as you just don't have the stamina or energy.
You try and do things that everyone else takes for granted and you simply fall into a heap.
As an example. Simple things like shaving your legs or washing your hair....... you put off until you cannot stand it any longer as you simple need the energy to do other things.
CRAZY...................................
I must be thankful though.
At least I am not bedridden anymore.
Spending more than 20 hours in bed was just torture.
Now I go to bed to have a rest and to sleep at night.
Since my appointment with the job provider I have stepped up the search for a job that I could do.
There are plenty out there but none that are part time.
I have to put the handbrake on and not feel to pressured into forcing myself into something that will only end in disaster and tears.
Who knows how this will all play out.
All I can do is take one step at a time and continue to put one foot in front of the other.
The other is to be thankful each day for everything that I am and everything that I have.
Onward and Upwards..........................................................