How much humiliation can a person go through........................

Well this morning I had an appointment with a Job Capacity Officer who went through all the reasons why I am unable to work at the moment.
This is in response to my application for the Disability Support Pension.
It was embarrassing, humiliating, awful and I felt like I was there to justify my existence.
I never in my wildest dreams ever thought I would have to do any of this.
My whole world has changed and crashed since getting ill.
No one would ever choose this.
No one would ever fake this and no one would ever not want to get on with living a life full of working and fulfillment.
After spending an hour in an interview process, I came out feeling exhausted and having to have a rest.
This whole process makes me upset, makes me sad and I have to say I cried through out the whole process.
Now I just have to wait and see what happens from here.
 

Each Day I will choose to do the things that make me Happy.

I push to the side everything that does not make me happy.

I choose to not engage with people that wish to use me and my generosity.

I will not tolerate fools.

I will use my intuition to weed out the people that suck my energy and I will refuse to participate with those that are not genuine and pure of heart.

I breathe in the energy to make me well and exhale to self doubt, angst and uncertainty.

My life will be filled with love, light and energy. 

How hard it is to be a step-parent.

I have been a step-parent for almost 9 years and I have to say a lot of the time it has sucked.

I opened my heart, life, finances and emotions to 2 children that I gave my everything to.

I sat down and wrote a letter to the 14yr old step-daughter that she may never read, but it really sums up everything that I feel.

4/2/16

Dear Renee

I am writing this letter which you may never read, which is ok with me. 

This is really to put down in words how I feel about what you have done and how your behaviour has effected both myself and your Father.

You have displayed behaviour that is really unbecoming of a young lady.

You have been rude, arrogant, self-absorbed, insensitive, sneaky, deceitful and not willing to participate within a family unit.

You are not the child I have spent the last 9 years raising and instilling good morals and values in.

I hope that you are happy at your mothers, I am sure she will let you get away with everything. I am sure you will starve yourself, become sick, not improve your mental health and most probably you will end up just like your mum, pregnant and a single mother with no University degree and working in a dead end job with no house or security.

Good luck with all of that.

You have torn your Father’s heart out. We both feel so betrayed and hurt by you and your behaviour.

Your Father and I have stood up for you with the school and others. We have fought battles for you that were really yours to fight.

We have lost relationships over you and your behaviour as we always put you first.

As a step-parent I have treated you as if you were my own flesh and blood.

I have done nothing but support and love you, as well as put you first before me for the last 9 years.

Well, this ends now.

You have made your choice, you continue to do things that hurt and I will not stand by and let you continue to hurt your Father or my heart any more.

After hearing the lies that you have told everyone today, I am further disappointed.

We did not kick you out. It was your choice to leave. 

You made the decision to change your number and not tell us the number. 

Your choice was to push us away.

You have told many lies to your Grandmother. I believe it is to just make you feel better about the decisions you have made. 

You have to own everything you have done and stop blaming your Father and myself for what you have done.

So it is done. What has been done cannot be undone.

We are starting our new life without you in it.

We will no longer consider you when we are making decisions.

Good luck to you. 

New life begins now.

It is now two days after the angry step-daughter declared she was moving back to her mothers.
I have had a big crash today after all the stress and the cleaning of her dirty disgusting pit of a room out.
It seems that the step-child does not want to live by our rules, does not want to participate in family life, does not want to look after her cat and is self absorbed, vain and thinks that the whole world revolves around her.

So, my Husband and I have decided to start our new life together.
We will sell our house and move to the country.
There is no way that we will have the step-child live with us again as she has made her decision.
We have done nothing but support the step-child, take her to all the appointments, be patient with her moods, try and fix her eating problems, spend loads of money on ensuring she has everything.

I guess it really comes down to being a family unit and as a step-parent I treated her as if she was my own daughter.

I now have to protect my heart and distance myself from all of this.
I cannot do it any longer.

On-wards and upwards, time for her mother to take responsibility for all of it.
No longer my problem.