Has been a little while since I last had the energy to record an entry into my blog. I guess this blog for me is really to document the words, feeling and actions that sometimes are not able to be expressed.
I have been on a rollercoaster ride of emotions, fatigue issues, health issues and in general........ LIFE ISSUES.
My husband and I are slowly unravelling what the rest of our lives are going to look like.
Yesterday we visited, for the second time, the place we are considering calling home.
This place is 40 acres at Crossdale. It is an old camp ground that has a lot of potential to run as a business as well as living a semi-self sufficient life in the clean air.
Just spending an hour walking around the property cleansed my soul and my lungs.
I was fatigued when I got home, but for the sake of my health I believe I need to be in the country.
My parents came out and had a look as well. I value my parents opinion and they have been to many camp grounds and with Dad's architectural background it was great to get some honest feedback on what was usable and what was not.
There is a little more work to go yet before we decide that this is "the place" as we will have to speak with Council on what we are proposing, finalise the business plan, look at the financials, sell the Townhouse, build a new house etc etc etc.
Who would have thought 12 months ago that this is where I would be at.
You have to dare to dream and then take that dream and turn it into reality.
Wednesday, 28 May 2014
Tuesday, 20 May 2014
Total Crash
This will be a short post today.
My body has totally crashed.
Sore everywhere, fuzzy head and thinking, can't get out of bed apart from doing the basics, swollen glands, sore eyes and throat and just a general "run over by a truck" feeling.
I hate this disease.
Stress exacerbates it and I have had a lot of that in the last few weeks.
That on the up side, looks like it is coming to a close.
And with the help of my sister and family, a positive result occurred.
The bully has been stopped.
Time to rest now.
My body has totally crashed.
Sore everywhere, fuzzy head and thinking, can't get out of bed apart from doing the basics, swollen glands, sore eyes and throat and just a general "run over by a truck" feeling.
I hate this disease.
Stress exacerbates it and I have had a lot of that in the last few weeks.
That on the up side, looks like it is coming to a close.
And with the help of my sister and family, a positive result occurred.
The bully has been stopped.
Time to rest now.
Thursday, 15 May 2014
How can you thank a person who has fought for you when you are too sick to fight?
Today has been a day that feels like the start to a new life.
There have been many months of sleepless nights, exacerbated pain and fatigue, worry, anxiety, sadness and overall disbelief that one person could be so vengeful, down right mean and dishonest.
My sister, with all her crazy life full of fighting everyone's battles, spent 2 hours fighting my battle due to the fact that I am too sick at the moment to fight anymore.
The truth did prevail.
The bullies have been stopped.
The lesson learned for me is to stay true to your belief.
Accept help when you need it.
Look towards a more positive future.
Do not just accept the bullying behaviour that someone dumps on you.
Just because someone says it does not make it fact.
Just because someone hires a big fancy lawyer to fight their lies does not hide the lies and untruths that they tell.
Be true to yourself and stand strong in your convictions.
Make sure you appreciate everything that is done for you and tell them.
Most importantly..... be humble and thankful.
There have been many months of sleepless nights, exacerbated pain and fatigue, worry, anxiety, sadness and overall disbelief that one person could be so vengeful, down right mean and dishonest.
My sister, with all her crazy life full of fighting everyone's battles, spent 2 hours fighting my battle due to the fact that I am too sick at the moment to fight anymore.
The truth did prevail.
The bullies have been stopped.
The lesson learned for me is to stay true to your belief.
Accept help when you need it.
Look towards a more positive future.
Do not just accept the bullying behaviour that someone dumps on you.
Just because someone says it does not make it fact.
Just because someone hires a big fancy lawyer to fight their lies does not hide the lies and untruths that they tell.
Be true to yourself and stand strong in your convictions.
Make sure you appreciate everything that is done for you and tell them.
Most importantly..... be humble and thankful.
Tuesday, 13 May 2014
This INSOMNIA is driving me crazy...........
It has been 6 days of insomnia and Fibromyalgia associated pain which has been challenging my resolve.
I have been sticking to my NO SLEEPING during the day rule but geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.
Tossing, turning, watching the nothingness that is on late night/early morning TV.
My eyes hurt, my fibro lumps in my shoulders, neck, back and down my legs ache.
I am short tempered, dry throat, sore glands, headachy and just downright irritable.
I empty my head of all the crap that rolls around in it, I de-stress and meditate...... but alas no sleep is forth coming.
Can't get comfortable lying down, sitting up or standing...... guess it is just a major flare up and it will eventually settle.
More than 2 hours sleep would be nice... please... sometime this week.......
I have been sticking to my NO SLEEPING during the day rule but geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.
Tossing, turning, watching the nothingness that is on late night/early morning TV.
My eyes hurt, my fibro lumps in my shoulders, neck, back and down my legs ache.
I am short tempered, dry throat, sore glands, headachy and just downright irritable.
I empty my head of all the crap that rolls around in it, I de-stress and meditate...... but alas no sleep is forth coming.
Can't get comfortable lying down, sitting up or standing...... guess it is just a major flare up and it will eventually settle.
More than 2 hours sleep would be nice... please... sometime this week.......
Sunday, 11 May 2014
Wipe Out
Have just had a major crash and been in bed for the last 2 days.
I hate this disease.
Stress makes it 100 times worse.
My mind is willing but the body just ain't.
I have been wanting to get a few things done.
Things around the house and simple grooming things for me. Things like washing the tiles in the bathroom, or putting a colour in my hair or shaving my legs........................... it sometimes takes me weeks to work up the energy.
I would love my old life back.
The life that allowed me to work in a job that I loved, run my own business in the music industry, go out to gigs, have a brilliant fun filled family life and to be able bodied and productive in all facets of my life.
One day someone will find a cure that works.
Until then......... one day at a time.
I hate this disease.
Stress makes it 100 times worse.
My mind is willing but the body just ain't.
I have been wanting to get a few things done.
Things around the house and simple grooming things for me. Things like washing the tiles in the bathroom, or putting a colour in my hair or shaving my legs........................... it sometimes takes me weeks to work up the energy.
I would love my old life back.
The life that allowed me to work in a job that I loved, run my own business in the music industry, go out to gigs, have a brilliant fun filled family life and to be able bodied and productive in all facets of my life.
One day someone will find a cure that works.
Until then......... one day at a time.
Friday, 9 May 2014
Insomnia...... punishment for worry and thinking toooooooooo much
It has not been a particularly great week this week.
I have had bouts of increased pain and many episodes of insomnia.
At first I put it down to a change in food and the stressful episode that my body seems to be going through at the moment...... now I am not sure.
Maybe it is just my active brain and the fact that sometimes I am just simply a bit of a worry wart.
I have managed to cut almost 100% of sugar out of my diet apart from occasional fruit sugar.
So when I have sugar it makes massive changes to my system and all the nasty things occur in a short period of time.
I have been trying to use all the techniques I have been taught to try and alleviate any stress from my life but it seems to be a little difficult at this time.
I have an ex-boss who seems intent on destroying me and my solid reputation. There is no basis for said ex-boss to be running this vendetta apart from the fact that she has a track record of doing this to everyone that she feels in some way has wronged her.
I have to keep trying to remember that when situations like this occur it is more often than not all about the other person and their issues not about me.
The problem is that I have just been too sick to stand up to the bullying and constant harassment that has some from said ex-boss.
I am just really lucky to have one of my sisters who is the most amazing human being. Tough exterior but solid gold through and through. She has fought for me when I have had nothing in the tank.
My husband has also been amazing. I have had to hold him back a few times as his anger towards said ex-boss has been fierce.
I guess I always knew that getting sick and not being able to work for a while was going to be problematic to the company that I was working for. I would have understood if they had simply said that they could not hold my job open any longer. Being fired for trumped up charges that are simply untruths and out and out lies is just a little hard to swallow.
If I didn't love my job and career I could have just chalked it up to a bad experience.
But giving 150% and working 7 days a week for approx. 7 months straight............... come on.
As sick as I currently am, I simply cannot let my reputation and career disappear down the toilet. There is a defined line between right and wrong and the ex-boss has crossed over it.
No one ever stands up to the ex-boss (bully) so said ex-boss gets away with it.
NO MORE.
I am just really blessed to have my sister in my corner.
My sister who is my power of attorney.
My sister that will speak up on my behalf until I am well to take on this fight when the truth will be told and ex-bosses (bullies) will be put in their place and know that they cannot bully everyone.
It is now 4am and I have been awake for a number of hours now. Maybe it is time to try and get some sleep.
I have had bouts of increased pain and many episodes of insomnia.
At first I put it down to a change in food and the stressful episode that my body seems to be going through at the moment...... now I am not sure.
Maybe it is just my active brain and the fact that sometimes I am just simply a bit of a worry wart.
I have managed to cut almost 100% of sugar out of my diet apart from occasional fruit sugar.
So when I have sugar it makes massive changes to my system and all the nasty things occur in a short period of time.
I have been trying to use all the techniques I have been taught to try and alleviate any stress from my life but it seems to be a little difficult at this time.
I have an ex-boss who seems intent on destroying me and my solid reputation. There is no basis for said ex-boss to be running this vendetta apart from the fact that she has a track record of doing this to everyone that she feels in some way has wronged her.
I have to keep trying to remember that when situations like this occur it is more often than not all about the other person and their issues not about me.
The problem is that I have just been too sick to stand up to the bullying and constant harassment that has some from said ex-boss.
I am just really lucky to have one of my sisters who is the most amazing human being. Tough exterior but solid gold through and through. She has fought for me when I have had nothing in the tank.
My husband has also been amazing. I have had to hold him back a few times as his anger towards said ex-boss has been fierce.
I guess I always knew that getting sick and not being able to work for a while was going to be problematic to the company that I was working for. I would have understood if they had simply said that they could not hold my job open any longer. Being fired for trumped up charges that are simply untruths and out and out lies is just a little hard to swallow.
If I didn't love my job and career I could have just chalked it up to a bad experience.
But giving 150% and working 7 days a week for approx. 7 months straight............... come on.
As sick as I currently am, I simply cannot let my reputation and career disappear down the toilet. There is a defined line between right and wrong and the ex-boss has crossed over it.
No one ever stands up to the ex-boss (bully) so said ex-boss gets away with it.
NO MORE.
I am just really blessed to have my sister in my corner.
My sister who is my power of attorney.
My sister that will speak up on my behalf until I am well to take on this fight when the truth will be told and ex-bosses (bullies) will be put in their place and know that they cannot bully everyone.
It is now 4am and I have been awake for a number of hours now. Maybe it is time to try and get some sleep.
Tuesday, 6 May 2014
Insomnia and strange goings on........
For anyone that has Fibromyalgia or lives with someone that has it you will relate to the things that I express in my blog.
I have not advertised to anyone that I am writing this blog. It is simply a way for me to get everything that rolls around in my head, out of my head so I can make a little more sense of what happens on a semi regular basis.
Sometimes I have not idea what is going on with my body. I find that I have strange reactions to things.
Reactions to stress are the major ones. The others can be as simple as a change in the weather, eating food that does not agree with me or simple things like doing to much during the day.
This evening I am suffering from Insomnia, which has reared it's ugly head twice over the span of 7 days.
Tonight is a little different as along with the insomnia, I have developed a fist sized pocket of fluid on my right side sitting on my ribs.
So which ever way I try to lie in bed, I cannot get comfortable.
I hear my husband snoring away loudly in the bedroom whilst I continue to clock watch and see if I can get at least a little sleepy and try to bring down the pain level to at least a 4 so I can fall asleep.
I don't like my chances at this stage.
It is now 1am and at 9am I am supposed to take my 15 year old cat to the vet to have her stitches taken out. Maybe I might have had a little sleep prior to doing this.
My beautiful girl is 15 years old which is quite old for a meow meow. She has been a constant in my life and has got me through some tough times.
She has also had her fair share of health complaints over the last year or so.
She always is there for me. The days that I have been confined to my bed and really unwell she will jump up and lie beside me.
Giving her love and attention by gentle pats and her purring has quietly calmed me in times of absolute distress.
One cannot underestimate the devotion and unconditional love that an animal can give you....... even a CAT.
As we all know, dogs have masters and cat's have staff. LOL
One day I am hoping that this dreaded autoimmune disease goes into remission or simply disappears as quickly as the onset. I have heard of it happening and I just want it to happen sooner rather than later to me............................
I want to get my life back. I want to go back to work. I want to contribute positively in my life choices instead of having to deal with things on a day to day basis.
I want to have a social life again. I want to go out and see a band, I want to have more intimate times with my significant other. I want to go for longs walks, to go on holidays, to be in car for longer than 2 hours, or have to cut and run from events due to the fact that I have to lie down.
I want so much but at the same time so little.
I don't want a million dollars, I don't want to be famous.
I simply want my life back so I can enjoy the most precious things in it.
I have not advertised to anyone that I am writing this blog. It is simply a way for me to get everything that rolls around in my head, out of my head so I can make a little more sense of what happens on a semi regular basis.
Sometimes I have not idea what is going on with my body. I find that I have strange reactions to things.
Reactions to stress are the major ones. The others can be as simple as a change in the weather, eating food that does not agree with me or simple things like doing to much during the day.
This evening I am suffering from Insomnia, which has reared it's ugly head twice over the span of 7 days.
Tonight is a little different as along with the insomnia, I have developed a fist sized pocket of fluid on my right side sitting on my ribs.
So which ever way I try to lie in bed, I cannot get comfortable.
I hear my husband snoring away loudly in the bedroom whilst I continue to clock watch and see if I can get at least a little sleepy and try to bring down the pain level to at least a 4 so I can fall asleep.
I don't like my chances at this stage.
It is now 1am and at 9am I am supposed to take my 15 year old cat to the vet to have her stitches taken out. Maybe I might have had a little sleep prior to doing this.
My beautiful girl is 15 years old which is quite old for a meow meow. She has been a constant in my life and has got me through some tough times.
She has also had her fair share of health complaints over the last year or so.
She always is there for me. The days that I have been confined to my bed and really unwell she will jump up and lie beside me.
Giving her love and attention by gentle pats and her purring has quietly calmed me in times of absolute distress.
One cannot underestimate the devotion and unconditional love that an animal can give you....... even a CAT.
As we all know, dogs have masters and cat's have staff. LOL
One day I am hoping that this dreaded autoimmune disease goes into remission or simply disappears as quickly as the onset. I have heard of it happening and I just want it to happen sooner rather than later to me............................
I want to get my life back. I want to go back to work. I want to contribute positively in my life choices instead of having to deal with things on a day to day basis.
I want to have a social life again. I want to go out and see a band, I want to have more intimate times with my significant other. I want to go for longs walks, to go on holidays, to be in car for longer than 2 hours, or have to cut and run from events due to the fact that I have to lie down.
I want so much but at the same time so little.
I don't want a million dollars, I don't want to be famous.
I simply want my life back so I can enjoy the most precious things in it.
Thursday, 1 May 2014
Amazing how your body reacts to things.........
For weeks I have managed to keep myself on an even keel.
All it takes is one hiccup and things are thrown off balance.
Stress is one of those things that really effect someone with Fibromyalgia.
I am currently dealing with lawyers and a workplace issue..... or should say former workplace.
Since the issue has been raised my fatigue has increased and fluid has swollen my left leg again.
My acupuncturist just commented last Tuesday on how well my body was going and that we had managed to get rid of and keep the fluid swelling in my legs at bay.
I guess you just have to get back on the horse and ride into a new beautiful life and work out what is worth the fight and who is worth fighting for.
I just read this article and found it really inspiring. Thought I would share it. Thank you Ashley Fern.
All it takes is one hiccup and things are thrown off balance.
Stress is one of those things that really effect someone with Fibromyalgia.
I am currently dealing with lawyers and a workplace issue..... or should say former workplace.
Since the issue has been raised my fatigue has increased and fluid has swollen my left leg again.
My acupuncturist just commented last Tuesday on how well my body was going and that we had managed to get rid of and keep the fluid swelling in my legs at bay.
I guess you just have to get back on the horse and ride into a new beautiful life and work out what is worth the fight and who is worth fighting for.
I just read this article and found it really inspiring. Thought I would share it. Thank you Ashley Fern.
The 20 Things You Need To Let Go To Be Happy
Everyone has one common goal in life: to achieve true happiness. The biggest factor holding us back from achieving our dreams is, simply and sadly, our own selves. We put limitations on ourselves everyday, whether intentionally or unintentionally. There are so many ways we can alleviate these restraints.
Remember, life can either be something you embrace or something you hide from. Stop making things complicated and just live your life. It would be so much simpler and more enjoyable if we learned to just release certain limitations.
Let’s take a look at the things you need to let go of in order to become a happier person.
1. The Approval Of Others
Who gives a sh*t what other people think? If you are happy with the decisions you have made, then whose business is that but your own? Think of how much you could achieve if you stopped letting other people’s opinions dictate the way you live your life. Do you, and engage in whatever actions you think might better your life.
2. Anger/Resentment
Anger will eat at you from the inside. Learn how to make peace with those who have wronged you. This isn’t about letting the other person off the hook; it’s about alleviating the pain that resonates within you. Keep in mind that he who angers you, controls you.
“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.”
3. Negative Body Image
There is only one person’s opinion you should be concerned with when it comes to your body and that is you. No one person determines what the “correct” body type is. If you are comfortable in your own skin, and you are healthy, then that should be the only thing that matters. Do not let others tell you that you’re not beautiful because if you believe you are, then you are.
4. Idea Of A Perfect Partner
There is no such thing as a perfect partner, so throw your checklist out the window. In life, what prevents us from moving forward is looking at the perfect image of a partner we concoct in our minds. Find the right person for you: one that you can love with all your heart, one you feel comfortable with and one that accepts you for the person you are. The sooner you realize there isn’t one perfect person out there for you, the better off you will be.
“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” – Bob Marley
5. Perfect Life
Just like there is no perfect partner, there is also not a perfect life. Life is what you put into it, so if you are not willing to work hard and put forth effort, you will most likely end up miserable. The choices you make will directly reflect the life you lead. It is up to you to create the best possible world for yourself.
6. You’re Going To Be Rich
Too many people live their lives with the thought that they will be millionaires. While this can be a realistic goal for some, it is not something that can be achieved without hard work and dedication. Stop letting money be your sole motivator; find a career you are passionate about and immerse yourself in it completely.
7. The Idea That Good Fortune Will Arrive At Your Doorstep
You need to go out into the world and actively look for fulfillment. You cannot take a backseat in life and expect things to happen for you. Appreciate the life you live, and be grateful for what you have. Value each minute of every day. Live like there’s no tomorrow, and make the most out of any situation.
8. Excuses
Make no time for excuses. You want to work out, but you don’t have the time? Wake up early and get your gym on. Excuses are only rationalizations that make you feel better about yourself for not doing something you want/need to be doing. You desire results? Stop bitching, and start doing.
9. Thoughts Of Your Ex
This person is your ex for a reason. If you are going to think of him or her at all, try and think only about the lessons the experience taught you. Do not linger on any old feelings, as this will only prevent you from being happy with someone else in the future.
10. Stubbornness
I know it’s hard to admit, but sometimes you are just wrong. Other people have just as much capability as you do in providing the correct answer, so stop being stubborn and just embrace it. The less stubborn you act, the more open you are to learning new things. Think of all you could be exposed to if you stopped believing in opinions other than your own.
11. Procrastination
Stop thinking you will finally get to whatever task is at hand tomorrow. Live in the present, and get your sh*t done when it needs to be done. Maximize your time to the best of your ability. Complete each task you need to as soon as you can. This allows you to feel free from worry and stress by getting things out of the way as soon as possible. You also allow yourself more free time to enjoy the things you love.
12. Your Baggage
We have all been hurt one time or another by someone we loved, or we thought we loved. Carrying negative feelings into future relationships will only prove to be disastrous. No two people are the same, so it’s unfair to hold a future partner to a standard set by an ex. Try to begin each new relationship with a clean slate.
13. Negativity
What you put out into the universe will come back to you, so change the way you think, immediately. Stop thinking of life as a glass half empty, but rather, half full. You have so much to be grateful for, if only you took a moment to appreciate it. Anything is possible in the mind of a positive thinker.
14. Judgmental Thoughts
Why do people feel the need to constantly worry about what is going on in other people’s lives? If we spent as much time worrying about our own behaviors as we do worrying about those of others, our lives would be a whole lot more meaningful. You have no idea what is going on in another person’s life, so who are you to pass judgment on the way they act?
15. Jealousy
Happiness is not having what you want; it’s wanting what you have. Stop envying others and learn to appreciate what you have. Everyone’s life is unique; you have certain things to offer that others cannot. When we act in a jealous manner, all we do is bring negative feelings into our lives. There is absolutely nothing to gain from behaving this way.
16. Insecurity
Happy people tend to have extremely high levels of self-esteem. They accept who they are and work it everyday of their lives. They radiate confidence, flaunt their pride and give off positive vibes. There is no reason to be insecure in life. If there are things you are self-conscious about, go out into the world and seek to change them. Only you have the ability to create the best version of yourself.
17. Depending On Others For Happiness
At the end of the day, the only person you can count on 100 percent of the time is yourself. Do not make the unfortunate mistake many people do and put your happiness in the hands of others. A relationship is not going to fulfill the void if you can’t even make yourself happy. You need to achieve happiness on your own before you can find someone else to share it with. This creates a detrimental dependency that will prevent you from becoming self-sufficient.
18. The Past
Stop living in the past! There is virtually nothing you can gain if you wallow in mistakes you have previously made. Take past mistakes as lessons learned, and move forward. You cannot wholeheartedly move on to a better future if you are constantly looking behind you. Things happened, and that’s that. Take them with a grain of salt and move on.
19. The Need For Control
Sometimes you just need to let life happen the way it is meant to. You cannot spend your life stressing about things that are outside of your control. Try to relax, and let things play out naturally. Embrace the unknown, as this is where you will be surprised the most. Let yourself be whisked into unforeseen endeavors, and relish in the excitement they bring.
20. Expectations
Managing your expectations is the key to happiness. If you let go of expectations, you will never be disappointed. Often, we tend to believe that the way we treat others will be the way we are treated in return. Unfortunately, this does not always happen. Do not expect a certain result from any given situations. Go into an experience with an open mind. This will allow you to fully immerse yourself, without the pressure of living up to preconceived notions.
Ashley comes to Elite Daily from the happiest valley in State College, Pennsylvania. She was born and raised between New York and South Florida, but spent the most fun years at Penn State, proving you can have the best time of your life by doing things you can't remember. She divides her time between binge-watching “Entourage,” giving unwanted opinions and convincing herself that she will one day marry Dwyane Wade. For more unadulterated fun follow her on Twitter and Instagram at @Disco_Infern0.
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